Fighting. That’s a norm for many people in romantic relationships. It is fair to say that fights are inescapable as far as relationships are concerned. But if you find that all you do is fight nowadays, it’s time to look a bit deeper. Today we’ll be exploring how to stop fighting in a relationship so you and your partner can grow closer together.
Whether the relationship is healthy or unhealthy, couples are bound to disagree at times. This is because they’re emotionally connected, but are still two individuals with different backgrounds and mentalities. So, it is normal to have a clash every now and then.
Nonetheless, one question people in relationships often ask is; why do we always end up fighting with the person we love most? Is it just because we are two different individuals or is it something deeper?
Funny enough, most relationships start off on a good note. So many butterflies in the stomach. Lots of excitement. Lots of romance. And lots of love in the air. Emotions flying all around.
In fact, most couples have many good stories to tell about how they met and how it all started. It’s always a nice memory to recall. But then at a point, these love stories can only be recollected and told – they won’t be felt any more by the couple, because what used to be a glamorous love affair becomes nothing but a typical war zone.
But why? Why is it often that way?
Why We Get Into Arguments
Well, there are many reasons why couples fight. Some of these reasons are justifiable but others are truly unwarranted. However, whether justifiable or not, most relationship fall outs are necessitated by expectations!
We all have our expectations before we ever get involved in any romantic relationship. And usually, at the initial stages, we are blinded by sentiments and fail to see things as they are. That’s why we are always engulfed in love and affection at those early stages.
But then, with time, as we begin to wade through reality, our eyes begin to open to what we didn’t see at first. And that’s when we get disappointed because our initial expectations are not met.
Consequently, we begin to disagree with our partners… and that is exactly how fights begin.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t have expectations, but it’s important not to expect too much from your partner. After all, they are human. And they are different from you in many different ways. So, your realities, opinions, views, ideologies, and concerns will differ from theirs sometimes.
Therefore, it’s important that you understand how to balance your reality and expectations with that of your partner to enjoy a fight-free relationship.
Rest assured, in this article, I will be giving you practical ideas on how to stop fighting in a relationship. You will be much happier with your partner if you follow the tips below, and yeah yeah, you can thank me later.
1. Stop Being Defensive And Communicate
It’s pretty normal for people to be on the defensive end once a feud erupts. The average human feels the impulse to react in a defensive manner when they feel attacked, indicted, or blamed for something they didn’t do.
Sure, it hurts. But if your aim is to reduce, or better still, stop fighting in a relationship, then you shouldn’t take those criticisms too personally.
Stay calm and be a little more diplomatic in resolving the issue. Communicate with your partner and engage them in healthy talks. Have a proper dialogue together and reach a common ground – that way, there won’t be any further escalation.
One thing most young couples don’t know is that a lot can be achieved in a relationship through communication. If you are wrongly accused by your partner, a cool conversation with them can go a long way to make them see reason with you. And of course, the issue will be resolved quicker than it started.
But if your first reaction to any accusation is to defend yourself and counterattack, then the next thing that will happen is a fight.
2. Accept When You Are Wrong – Take Responsibility
Another great way to stop fighting in a relationship is to take responsibility for your wrongdoing. It’s not proper to shy away from those blames if you are truly wrong. Accept them!
If you find it difficult to accept when you are wrong, you will definitely be inclined to shift the blame to your partner (who is obviously not the culprit). And trust me, playing such a blame game is very toxic.
When you always claim to be right – even when you’re obviously wrong, it infuriates your partner and will create a very strong negative energy between the two of you.
On the other hand, if you can learn to accept your mistakes without trying to justify yourself, only then will you learn how to say; “I’m sorry”. And trust me, those two words are arguably the most powerful reconciliation tool as long as a healthy relationship is concerned.
- 10 Warning Signs You Are Growing Apart In Your Relationship
- How To Understand Your Partner Better And Deepen Your Relationship
- 10 Habits Happy Couples Have That Are Worth Adopting
- Unhealthy Relationship Signs: 10 Things To Look Out For
3. Apologize When You Are Wrong
In order to stop fighting in a relationship, you shouldn’t only accept that you are wrong, you should learn to apologize as well. Funny enough, many couples find it difficult to say these 3 words; I am sorry. As simple as they are.
Well, pride and ego are the reason why partners find it impossible to apologize when they are wrong. According to research, a greater percentage of relationships are in turmoil because of zero apologies. And the endpoint (of all those fights) is always a breakup.
4. Distance Yourself From The Situation To Calm Your Nerves
When you are in a heated argument with your partner, you most likely won’t be able to think straight because you are wallowing in sentiments. You might end up saying irrational things that you really don’t mean. As such, the whole issue will be aggravated!
If your goal is to stop fighting in a relationship, then you must adopt the strategy of stepping back for a while (whenever the argument is heated) in order to clear your head. You need to be in the right frame of mind before engaging your partner in any conversation.
After you’ve stepped away for a while, you will most likely return to the issue with a different approach. Because, by then, you’ll be more rational. And as a result, the problem will be resolved with more ease.
5. Let The Arguments Happen Face-To-Face
This is absolutely not a way of promoting physical violence. But if you must raise an issue that could lead to an argument, then you should do it face-to-face. This is especially important now that we are in a world where digital media has attained so much prominence.
Sure, our communication gadgets make it easy to send messages to our partners from any location. But unfortunately, your partner might not be able to read the tone of your text. Even if you decide to communicate via phone call, they won’t be able to see your facial expression.
Consequently, your partner might easily misunderstand you and even take your messages out of context. And as a result, more fights will erupt.
So, in order to prevent fighting in a relationship, you must ensure you communicate your issues with your partner face-to-face. If you are so inconvenienced that you really can’t be with them in the same location, then you can at least communicate through a video call.
6. Know When It Is Right Or Not Right To Confront Your Partner
One of the reasons why partners fight all the time is that they don’t create any boundary when it comes to confrontations. You should know when it is okay to confront your partner and when it’s really not necessary.
The conflict will definitely get out of hand if instead of focusing on the main issue at hand, you decide to attack your partner’s personality or character. You end up yelling at each other and using abusive words instead of tackling the situation. Of course, that is not the way to strike a balance.
It’s so important that you sit down with your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend and discuss things that could cause a fight and things that shouldn’t.
Also, discuss with your partner on certain boundaries you shouldn’t exceed during fights.
For instance, you and your partner can agree on boundaries such as;
- Avoiding calling each other names during fights,
- Making it a responsibility to listen to what each of you has to say,
- Ensuring not to raise your voices at each other…
And so on.
These boundaries will go a long way to reduce the number of fights you and your partner will get into!
7. Resolve The Conflict As Soon As Possible
This is similar to a popular assertion; don’t go to bed while you’re still mad at your partner. Staying mad for a long period can create a mountain-like problem out of a molehill-like issue. In fact, couples who allow their fights to get more intense will likely break up faster than those who settle their differences as soon as possible.
If you have any objection or resentment against your partner, do well to communicate it to them – don’t bottle it up. Create a time (probably before you retire to bed) and tell them about it.
If you fail to speak up and keep on containing that bitterness and resentment, it will definitely get to a point where you’ll explode out of anger! And honestly, such emotional outbursts will only destroy the relationship because you’ll end up saying awful words to your partner. And sadly enough, you can’t take back those words!
In a nutshell, conflicts that are not resolved ASAP will result in irreconcilable differences. Of course, such a situation will bring about constant fights. So, if you must stop fighting in a relationship, then avoid bottling up your emotions! Calmly let them out.
8. Understand Why You Are In A Relationship
When the fight gets so heated, sit back and think why you got into the relationship in the first place. Yeah this is probably the last thing you’d think of doing at that time but when you’re intentional about your relationship, there are so many problems you can avoid.
Did you enter into that relationship to keep fighting with your partner? Did you get involved to learn how to revolt?
The fact remains that in a relationship, the honeymoon phase does not last forever. It will only last for a while, after which the “actual relationship” begins. But then, that does not mean you’ll keep fighting day in, day out. You can still have a blissful relationship even through those difficult periods.
All you have to do is to understand why you are in the relationship. Both of you are not together for fights but to build a romantic connection. You are in a relationship to get intimate. To provide physical and emotional support for each other. And to be happy.
Moreover, when you and your partner realize that you are better off with each other than without, and when you recognize what you love about your partner and why you would rather remain close to them, then there won’t be any need for constant fights.
As much as we all have our flaws and shortcomings, if you must quit having unnecessary feuds with your partner, then you have to (sometimes) draw your focus to those things you love about the relationship instead!
9. Take Some Time Off
Sometimes, when the energy between you and your partner becomes so negative, and you keep on fighting repeatedly, the best you can do to salvage the situation is to take some time off from the relationship. Stay apart for a while.
This will enable both of you to think. And maybe consider if you are still ready for the relationship. By the time you’ve stayed apart for a while and have cleared your minds, you’ll probably miss each other quite a lot. And when you get back together, the conjugal bliss will be regenerated. If this is not the case, then at least you both know where you stand in the relationship.
All couples encounter fights. But such fights should not be constant! So if you want to start enjoying your relationship, the least you can do is to follow the tips discussed above and actually be intentional about applying them. Before you know it, you would have mastered how to stop fighting in a relationship!