Today I want to talk to you about how to trigger a man’s hero instinct, what it is, and why you would want to do so. This can be helpful for any type of relationship you are in, whether you are just starting out dating or already married. You can use these tips to grow closer to your man. Just try it out, what have you got to lose?
If you’ve ever watched movies like Spiderman, Superman, Thor, or Captain America, then you already know exactly who a “hero” is and the role he plays. Movie heroes are generally brave (well, obviously) and appreciated by people for achieving extraordinary feats for society. They are usually strong, fearless, and highly-skilled for confronting difficulties and challenges, which are impossible for an ordinary human.
Although the “Hollywood hero” is not exactly what this article is all about, it can go a long way to give you an insight into what the “hero-instinct” of a man feels like.
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What is a man’s hero instinct?
We don’t expect every random man to wield supernatural powers and save mankind from doom just like in the movies. However, men are naturally wired to feel heroic or needed by the women they’re attracted to — regardless of his race, age, or social status!
Men’s hero instinct comes in the form of feeling protective of their love interest, their inclination to provide and satisfy her needs, their impulse to solve her problems, and then their desire to be respected and appreciated (by her) in return.
The simple truth is, your man (or potential man) might not necessarily want to be a warfare hero. But he definitely has a natural impulse to be your hero because you’re the woman he wants.
For instance, have you ever been in a fight with your partner? You’ll notice that no matter how mad he is with you, he’ll still display that “protective tendency”. Even if he is too annoyed to admit that he loves you, he will be unable to control his urge of wanting to protect you. Unless, of course, he’s no longer in love.
The same thing applies when you get into an argument with someone else and ask for your man’s opinion… he will naturally take your side.
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Why Should You Active His Hero Instinct?
The concept of “hero instinct” was first used by James Bauer in his book; His Secret Obsession. As a relationship psychologist, James worked with thousands of couples, so he was able to analyze and infer the dynamics of his clients’ relationships.
Remarkably, while investigating the psychology of his male clients, James found out that the key to a long-term, happy relationship is… (drumroll)… to trigger a man’s hero instinct!
Women are naturally care-takers. They always want to help put things in order. Also, the average woman wants to be her partner’s go-to person — a shoulder he can always lean on when he’s troubled. As a matter of fact, it’s almost like most women can read their partner’s countenance, no matter how hard he tries to hide it, and they’ll always offer to help him out.
However, the excessive care, attention, and love that you selflessly lavish on your man won’t necessarily keep him. Just so you know, caring too much for your man withholds his natural urge; that biological instinct he was born with, that impulse to feel like a woman’s hero.
When you’re always independent, always in control of things, and never allow your man to prove his capabilities, you are simply killing his hero instinct. Sounds weird, right? But that’s the truth! Now it’s time to change your ways and come to the light. Here are some great tips to trigger a man’s hero instinct:
PS – You can check out James’ book on the Hero Instinct by clicking here!
1. Allow Him To Help You Out
It is okay to be independent, especially in this age of gender equality. To add to it, no man wants to be with a woman who is more of a liability than an asset.
However, most men feel “unsafe” around independent women. Okay hold it right there before you chop off my head. Nobody is telling you to change who you are because of another man’s insecurity. Nobody is advising you to stoop so low because of a man’s “ego”, but this is beyond ego or insecurity… this has more to do with men’s natural disposition.
So, if you really want to get the best out of your man, you have to move towards that zone where he is more secure. You have to allow him to feel like a man. And how do you do that? It’s simple; depend on him sometimes.
I will re-emphasize; it is okay that you handle things by yourself, but have you ever wondered why your man or a potential love interest is always trying to offer you his help? That’s because he feels worthless when he is of no help to you.
By allowing a man to help you out (at least on a few occasions), he will feel needed, and consequently, you’ll win him over.
Depending on a man is not necessarily allowing him to pay your house rent or energy bill. It could be simply involving him in your day-to-day tasks, or seeking his opinion when making important decisions. Trust me, he will feel great about that!
2. Appreciate Him
Now, after he has lent you a helping hand, you have to appreciate him for that. It doesn’t matter how insignificant his effort (to help you) might seem, you should show gratitude. That’s one sweet way to trigger a man’s hero instinct.
The good news is; it doesn’t cost you anything to say a “thank you” even to someone who is very annoying. So, why can’t you say it to the man who’s trying to be your hero?
The more you appreciate him, the more he holds you in high esteem! Thank him when he gives you a ride in his car to your workplace, thank him when he tidies up the house, or maybe even when he cooks you a meal.
Showing appreciation is highly effective if you want to get someone to continue a good deed… On the other hand, nobody feels happy when their efforts are taken for granted — mem are not left out.
3. Respect Him
If I was to rank these tips, “respect” would definitely top the list when it comes to what triggers a man’s hero instinct (but that’s predictable, where’s the fun in that?). It’s natural in men to want to be respected — if not by anybody — at least by the woman they love.
Just so you know, the whole idea of “hero instinct” boils down to respect, because every good thing your man does is just so he may earn your respect as a woman.
I’m not saying you should agree to everything he says. In fact, you should have your voice and stand your ground when necessary. You can still make your decisions whenever you deem fit. But if you can, just compromise at times and do what he wants.
Truth is; it’s quite abnormal to see a man who takes advantage of the respect you give him — because nowadays, it’s hard to see a woman who is a bit “submissive”, given the fact that the world is focused on gender equality. That is the more reason a man will truly value you if he finds you respectful. Because for him, you are rare. And he will do everything he can to be with you. Note, being respectful does not make you any less equal to him!
4. Don’t Over Do It
Okay, you don’t necessarily have to accept every single thing a man suggests just because you want to trigger his hero instinct. He will credit you more if you balance things up. Know when to do it your way and when to compromise.
Just so you know, being respectful doesn’t mean you should be dumb. As a human being who thinks, you should have a reasonable opinion at times. So, it’s cool to respectfully make your man understand your choice and why you have to stick to it at that particular time.
Another way to balance things up is by not going overboard with the way you depend on him. Depending on him doesn’t mean sending him on frivolous errands now and then. Seriously, no.
Moreover, don’t overdo things by appreciating him for normal chores like putting his (own) jacket in the wardrobe when he arrives home… I mean, come on. Appreciating your man unnecessarily might end up being counterproductive as your appreciation might just lose its value over time.
5. Applaud Him Among his Friends
A wise woman once said;
“Whenever I want to make my husband happy, I find a way to give him accolades (among his friends) while narrating a rare story of his good deeds… it makes him feel like a king, and when we arrive home, he reciprocates by treating me like a queen.”
That’s exactly what praises can do to a man — especially when you (his partner) praise him in the presence of his friends and colleagues. The average man will feel great when his friends see him as a good boyfriend or husband — a capable man who treats his woman right.
Showing appreciation will go a long way to trigger a man’s hero instinct, but surprising him by “singing his praises” in front of his friends is magic.
6. Show Him That He Makes you happy
Apart from appreciating and respecting your man, another factor that triggers the “hero” in him is making him understand he’s the source of your happiness.
Arguably, the primary reason most people enter into a relationship is so they can be happy. Nobody walks into a relationship expecting to be sad in it. Hence, if you make your man realize that you’re a happy woman, thanks to him, he will surely feel fulfilled.
However, if he reckons he has failed to make you a happy woman, he’ll feel like the relationship is falling apart, and he might feel guilty for that. Sending him a few text messages expressing how pleased you are with him can go a long way to bring out the best in your man.
A girl once narrated a story on how her boyfriend surprised her with a “massive gift” on her birthday just because she called him on the phone, telling him how happy and lucky she was to have him in her life.
I’m not suggesting that you should feign happiness and expect a gift from your man, I’m only informing you how much a man relishes having a happy girlfriend/wife. I mean… just saying (slowly backs away).
7. Support His Goals And Interests
No man feels safe around a woman who does not support him, his goals, interests, business ideas, or occupation. A man’s ego is partly tied to what he does for a living. In case you missed it, most men consider what a lady thinks about their business before taking things to the next level. So, you can’t love a man without loving his goals, objectives, dreams, aspirations, or business.
Supporting a man’s goal doesn’t mean you should not advise or correct him. On the contrary, a man will cherish you more for any genuine advice you give him regarding his business. In other words, you can support his missions through every useful piece of advice you chip in now and then.
You can also support a man’s interests by showing interest in his favorite sports, TV shows, adventures, and other activities that portray his masculinity. He will feel very lucky to have you if you not only let him do what he likes doing, but also take part in it!
As frivolous as it may seem, many men love the gym, football, and video games. You need to resist the urge to nag or complain when he’s in the middle of playing video games, or when he’s hitting the gym. Instead, you can just trigger his hero instinct, by lauding his masculine physique. Such a simple trick can get a man to fall head over heels for you.
Finally, men, in common, crave to feel needed, especially by their love interest. It’s just in their biological makeup.
It might seem like too much of a task to trigger a man’s hero instinct. It might appear as if you are being subjected to another form of patriarchy — but nah boo! Nobody is telling you to do what you don’t feel like doing. But remember, if you want to get the best out of a man, you need to pull that trigger.